I hate the weight that I’ve gained. I miss the encouragement that we gave to each other and when he finished his work how he would send it over to me proudly to see if I liked it. But you don’t know this and you never will……Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:Change this sentence and title from admin Theme option page.
Y’all I ALWAYS have something to say but I was so shocked I shut the fuck up. I’m going back to school next semester and I have no idea what I want to do in school still. I got into an argument with my mom the other day and we weren’t speaking and I went on with my life. I think about what the baby would have looked like and if I would have been a good mom and if I can even have babies. I love the Easy Conversation, he challenges me, makes me think. I really liked this guy and turns out I was alone in that, he was not really fucking with me and that is wild to me cause he DID NOT have to do me like that. I want to put some of it down because I know myself and I know its not gonna end well. These are my confessions….. Music makes me high. Nothing more, nothing less. Even though black women are 200% more likely to die during child birth thats a love I would absolutely risk my life for. There is a blessing in every lesson and I’m glad to just have known you at all no matter what the outcome is. Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
The other day my manager told me “outside is open” in regards to my hair which was in an Afro. I feel like I fight depression off daily.
I dont really care about things anymore. However, I now feel like people are disposable like everyone. This morning, while in the Murano (bka Black Beauty) my playlist drowned out my usual stress over my 45min commute to the gig and instead brought about thoughts of him. I think the top two things someone can do to harm you (this is my opinion so of course you are allowed to feel differently) in a relationship is to leave you when you need them the most and to make you think they fuck with you and they really dont. I haven’t done my hair, nails, eye lashes or nothing in months and I feel ugly.
That pain combined with the loss of some other people that I loved more than life changed my whole perspective on things. Feels good to get this off my chest. I feel like I’m just existing, its very weird.I want to like my job but being a black woman in a predominantly white work space is stressful.
I love, adore and am obsessed with my mom so when I went those days without her and I didn’t feel the sadness as deep as I normally would I knew something in me had changed.My mom told me she sees the change in me too and I dont know if its good or bad but its there.I thought I healed. And my love for him grows with every commute. Through my own loss all I will say is that time is a great healer. Cause this new bitch I honestly dont even know who she is.I hate the weight that I’ve gained. I signed up for therapy online but I didn’t like it, I like to talk it out either in person or in my writing. Writing this brought so much clarity on everything for me. Square framed glasses, strong face with soft features, big feet, long bow legs. I had such a good business day the other day and I felt nothing. When I was younger before I was ever in relationships myself and had only seen them on tv, I thought the worst thing someone can do to you was cheat. It doesn’t mean that I dont sit and think like wow I dont have nobody and I’m getting older, what’s wrong with me? I dont miss the fact that he did the worst thing I think someone can do to you in a relationship. Just a little bit of peace.Will pray for you to endure all the challenges you are up against.Hold on strong and hang in there sis! I want to be better and I want to do better. I wanna go outside, I miss my family and friends so bad. Your smile, strong and bright like Cymbals, not like the crasha-crasha-Drumline-sambo kind, but the classy, mellow Philadelphia Orchestra kind. Everyone in my life who is important to me does it. Being inside for all these months will really have your demons kicking your ass. . All about shit I’ve learned && shit im still learningI hate living upstate. Like can you teach me that trick?Then the other thing someone can do is leave when you them the most.
These are my confessions Man, I'm throwed and I don't know what to do I guess I gotta give you part two of my confessions If I'm gonna tell it, then I gotta tell it all Cause I absolutely still do but then I remember I’m focusing on me and I have things to work on.Plus I still think about my ex more than I should I think about the dumb shit we used to talk about and how happy I was when we were happy and the attachment that I had gotten used to. .
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